When I found Christ or Christ found me, I was
smack-dab in the middle of a fight with alcohol addiction. Alcohol was winning.
I started drinking when I was 13, mostly to escape the shame and pain of my
parents’ addiction to cocaine and heroin. At age 16 I dropped out of high
school and had no ambition in life other than to obtain my next drink. Two
years later I, in a drunken stupor, initiated a fight with a guy who stabbed
me, nearly to death. This near-death experience was a sobering wake-up call.
That’s when Christ and I found each other. Alcohol may have kicked the tar out
of me, but it was no match for Christ, the addiction annihilator.
God began to rebuild the ruined walls of my
broken life. He did it primarily through the motley crew called the local
church. Before long God invited me to join him in doing for others what he had
done for me. God called me to be a pastor and, with joy and fear, I swallowed
hard and said “yes.” Early on in my call I had this overwhelming passion to
pastor a church that was a safe haven for addicts to access the grace of Christ
for recovery.
This dream got buried someplace deep within
my heart, so deep I almost forgot it was there during college and the first
five years of my pastoral ministry. Then I went to Asbury Theological Seminary
to pursue the M.Div. degree. Asbury reminded me of my roots as a Wesleyan
pastor. John Wesley’s heart was not only “strangely warmed” for God but
strangely broken for English peasants who were steeped in alcoholism and not
welcome in the Anglican Church of that day. So Wesley went out to preach hope
in the fields. Addicts were saved, set free, and sanctified. The Methodist
movement was born.
One Spring Break during our Asbury days, my
wife and I joined some seminary friends for a trip to California. On Easter
Sunday we decided to attend a church in San Francisco. We waited in a long line
to get into the church building. It was obvious to us through sight, sound, and
smell that we were surrounded by people who were, like the peasants of Wesley’s
day, steeped in addiction. I finally got a seat next to an intoxicated woman
who fell asleep on my left shoulder. I remember the excitement I felt at the
beginning of the service. “Here are tons of broken people barging into the
church to experience resurrection with Christ on Easter Sunday,” I told my
wife. You can imagine my disappointment when the name of Jesus, let alone his
resurrection, was not even mentioned during this “church” service. But the
dream deep in my heart was resurrected and I vowed to someday cultivate a congregation
that not only attracted addicts, like this one clearly did, but connected them
to Christ for resurrection.
When I graduated from Asbury, I went to serve
as lead pastor for a church in Northeastern PA. The church was what some might
call a bit of a “holy huddle.” The well-meaning people of the church were so
concerned about personal holiness they drew lines in the sand that prevented
them from making their community whole. Like the Church of Wesley’s day, this
one was not the most welcome place for the addicted. This church had five
pastors in ten years, which is revealing. When they called me to be their
pastor, I somehow found the grace and guts to say “yes.” The community around
the church was growing, due to an influx of people moving in from New York and
Philadelphia, and the need for addiction recovery was increasing. This church
was perfect for me!
Before our boxes were unpacked, I began
preaching on texts like Luke 4 where Jesus, with some help from Isaiah,
describes his mission as one that will bring liberating good news to the poor,
marginalized, and captive. So, I assumed that if this mission was good enough
for Jesus, it would be good enough for the church. In time, we invited groups
like Narcotics Anonymous and Gambler’s Anonymous to use our building free of
charge. We chose to pay electric bills in the winter for families in addiction,
with no strings attached. We even started a Celebrate Recovery program for
people with “hurts, habits, and hang-ups.” The perfect leader surfaced to run
this ministry. He and his wife met in rehab during their fight against cocaine.
He needed a job upon parole from prison and the church took him in.
In time, addicts began to trickle into the
life of the church. Some of the longtime attendees of the church were not as
excited as I was for us to become a recovery church. Some left the church;
others decreased or ceased their financial support. Finances were tight,
conflict ensued, and I was ready to quit. Although we were helping a few
people, the resistance of the church coupled with my own fear of holy
risk-taking prevented the church from really putting a dent in the problem of
addiction that was devouring our community.
I took a sabbatical. Asbury invited me to
participate in the residential Beeson Pastors D.Min. program. During that year
at Asbury, we enjoyed a trip to Houston to explore churches that were diverse
in style and size. One of those churches happened to be Mercy Street, a church
built on and driven by a vision of recovery from addiction. Unlike the church I
visited in San Francisco, this church in Houston was partnering with Christ to
raise people from the dead. I cried throughout the service as God persistently
whispered into the ears of my heart “Stay faithful to what I have called you to
do and I will use your church to set captive addicts free.”
In time the church I pastored did became the
kind of church I always dreamed of serving. We became a church where people
would rather show up high or drunk than stay home and sober up until they could
fit into their “I’ve got it all together” mask. This made for some interesting corporate
worship experiences, but it was well worth it. If you visit this church on any
given Sunday, you will smell alcohol, see track marks, and feel the nervous
leg-shaking and nail biting of a person deciding if she wants to stay clean or
get high after church. Yep, this is my dream church!
I no longer pastor that dream church.
Instead, I serve as a professor to pastors. In my current vocation, whether I am
teaching homiletics, leadership, or formation, my students hear bits and pieces
about that recovery church where dead people were raised to life again. As I look
out at my students I notice a glimmer in the eyes of a few. In that very moment
God is placing in them the dream he once placed in me to cultivate a church
that partners with Christ to lovingly liberate addicts.
2 comments:
Thank you for all you have done. Our church has blossomed and bloomed and keeps growing. We are learning to trust god out of the box and look for areas to grow even larger. We miss you but know God used you to make us who we are now. A church ready to take on the future showing Gods love to the community.
Wonderful.
I've recently met, befriended, and had the joy to start some initiatives with Pastor Matthew Barnett. I felt the same emotions rise in my spirit as I first toured The Dream Center and heard testimony after testimony, some still "in process," others decades in the making.
ch:
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